The 1 in 4: The Griffin Group

Miscarriage is one of those things you hear about but never think will happen to you. That was true for me, especially after having a healthy baby following a textbook pregnancy in my first experience.

I found out I was pregnant again when my son was just nine months old, and while I was overwhelmed at the idea of having two so close together, I was also excited to see my babies become best friends. I began to look at double strollers and plan for a life with "two under two."

That is until I heard those seven words that shattered my world: "I'm sorry, I can't find a heartbeat," the ultrasound technician said as I lay motionless on the table. I had what is known as a missed miscarriage, which means that my body did not recognize that my baby had died and continued to produce pregnancy hormones and act as if everything were still Ok with my baby. But everything was not Ok.

A few hours later I was on an operating table at the same hospital I had my C-section in less than a year before. The procedure was quick and relatively painless, but I returned home sad, broken and empty.

Despite the short time we had with our baby, we decided to name him as a way to celebrate his short, yet meaningful life. We chose Griffin, like the mythological creature that symbolizes courage and boldness, and whose image is often used to denote strength, courage and leadership. Griffins also are known for guarding treasure and priceless possessions. Knowing that he is watching over our family and protecting his brothers, it fits perfectly.

This week is especially difficult, as Griffin’s due date was February 12. In a few short days, I should be in the hospital with a perfect, healthy baby in my arms. Instead I am sitting here wondering what he would have looked like, what he would have been like. Picturing him swaddled in that signature hospital blanket with his brothers kissing their new baby on the forehead. My heart is so full with love for my lost little blessing, but my arms are empty.